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Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details. A reason to stop shopping by J. G. Fabiano It was as if time stood still. I was walking into one of the department stores in the Mall to finish my Christmas shopping the store's anti-theft alarms went off. Everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and started to stare at me. Since it was only a week before Christmas Day the store was filled with shoppers who stopped what they were doing and turned their heads to see who it was that was attempting to steal from the store. A few microseconds later four store-employees ran to the entrance of the store where I was standing. One was holding a type of walkie-talkie while the other was dressed in a uniform. In seconds a mall policeman joined them, in order to bolster their ranks against me. They didn't say anything when they got there. They, like all of the customers in the store, just stared. At this point I thought it was in my best interest to say something. All I could think of to say was, "I'm walking into the store, not out!" My logical response did not change the mood. Everyone continued to stare. Finally the person in uniform asked if I had anything hidden away in my pockets. Again I reiterated my original statement that I was walking into the store. The in-store security policeman continued to interrogate me by asking if I had any merchandize in my pockets. Now, since it was December and I was wearing my winter coat I knew I had multiple places to hide things. I also came to the quick conclusion that if any of these people thought they were going to frisk me they had better get more of their reserves involved in this operation, but, again all I could say was that I was coming into the store. "Maybe it was something I ate?" My humor failed to eliminate the stares of the customers and the employees in the store. Finally the officer told me not to worry about it. I answered by stating that I wasn't worried about it in the first place. Soon everyone went back to his or her business and I went over to where I could do some shopping. As to why I didn't just leave the store is above and beyond my comprehension. I guess it has something to do with growing up during the 1960's; 'The Hell no! I won't go' attitude. Walking toward the sweater displays I felt the stares of the customers and clerks in the store. I hoped they all knew I was walking into the store and not out of it causing the alarms to go off. I sincerely hoped that no one thought I was trying to steal something but I guess I was wrong. One shopper actually stopped looking through the merchandize as soon as I came near. I wondered if the alarm meant that I now have some sort of contagious disorder! A kind of social disease that came without a rash? Walking back to the counter to pay for the sweaters I didn't like, but knew I had to buy, I noticed that female shoppers were now holding their children closer than they were before I had entered the store. Even though the adults in the store stopped staring at me, the children did not. After I paid for my gifts I started to walk through the door. Before I was about to leave I began to worry. If the alarm sounded when I entered the store what is to say that it won't go off when I leave. Am I destined to spend the rest of my years inside a clothing store that has a name that I can't even pronounce? I smiled to myself and decided to attempt to leave the store. Sure enough the alarm sounded again. Once again everyone stared at me like I was some sort of an alien. This time I was a bit worried for now I was leaving the store. The employees of the store again ran up to the front where I was waiting. Seeing it was again me they just joined the crowd and stared. The manager came over to me and told me not to worry about it again and apologized for the inconvenience that his machine was causing me. Paranoia would have been a better term. I then walked back through the mall wondering if I could ever walk into any store again. Not that I wanted to. In fact, for a few seconds I thought I had discovered a reason for never having to go shopping again. Maybe my body's chemistry changed to the point of triggering all of the anti-theft devices in the world. Maybe the reality of truly hating shopping had triggered some sort of a genetic response that sent out waves of energy demanding that I be excommunicated from the act of shopping forever! As I was walking through the mall I noticed that few people would walk near me, or even pass me. I even noticed Santa give me a disdainful look as I passed his perch in front of lines of children waiting to talk to him. I think the children even stopped their conversations in order to stare at the man who blew all of the alarms. Walking farther down the mall I noticed that shopkeepers were lowering the gates that protected their merchandize against people like me. Lights were being shut down all around me. Even the food courts stopped serving food, in fear that I might steal their inventory. I reached the exit and decided to turn around noticing that everything was being turned on and that the speakers throughout the mall played Handel's "Messiah". As I walked toward my truck I noticed that no one was parked beside me. It even seemed dark around me now, and that the lights from the mall were even staying away from me. Cars driving through the parking lot stopped with their inhabitants staring out their closed windows in order to view 'the man who made the alarms go off'. I started to wonder if my wife and daughter would ever allow me to shop for them again. Was there some sort of orbital communication system set up to warn the world about people like me? Would I be condemned to never shop again? And then I woke up. Damn!
The End
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