February 2013

3 articles in February 2013

Tthe more things change, the more things seem to stay the same.’

Or is it the other way around? The older I get, the more confused I get about this particular statement.Every Memorial Day, or at least every Memorial Day for the past quarter of a century, I walk to Long Sands Beach. I don’t care if it is raining, or sunny with sweltering heat. It is just something I like to do. I have begun to believe that it is something I have to do.

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Iistood in the woods behind my house, looking for something I knew that I would never find. My wife had long before given up trying to talk me out of my daily search. So many questions remained unanswered and, if there were any answers, the questions would be too incredible to ask but, I’m starting at the probable end of the story. I should begin at the beginning.

It was a perfectly normal autumn evening at my house: all of my family was sitting around the TV watching ‘Sixteen Candles’ for the twelfth time. My wife was in her customary fetal position on the couch wearing her infamous fat clothes. You know the ones I mean: the size 22 sweat-pants surrounding her size seven frame.

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Wwebster defines advice as being, “a recommendation with regard to a course of action.”

The expression, “I need some advice” has to be one of the most horrifying statements in the English language. What makes it remarkably terrifying is that the advisor is usually confronted with it out of the blue and with little or no warning. My daughter is an expert at this. Lately I have been able to predict when she will call. It usually happens when I am having the type of day when everything seems to be going well.

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