Who is the TaleWagger?
As a life-long friend, please allow me to shed a little light…
he TaleWagger is a complex character, who has used many aliases in his chequered career. He was originally called Tom Tom, – his father, a piper had a stutter -, and he lived with his widowed mother, brothers and sisters in a shoe-shaped dwelling. He and his brothers argued so much with their sister Mary, who was quite contrary that his mother had difficulty coping. Partly due to this, a neighbour once said: “She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do!”
His brother Jack climbed a beanstalk one day, and was never seen again. This giant tragedy made the Talewagger decide that he too should leave home. With his cat dressed in boots, and now calling himself ‘Dick’, he left to start a new life. They walked along a yellow-brick road, to a big city with shiny, golden pavements. There Dick was offered an important job with the council, but, following a chance meeting with a man, (he had one eye, one leg and a parrot on his shoulder), he decided to work, as a cabin-boy, with his holiday company, L. J. Silver (Cruise Lines) Plc. It successfully operated in the Caribbean Sea, for many a long year, me ‘earty!
While still his teens, the Talewagger chose to seek his fortune ashore and jumped-ship one night, in a tub, with an owl and his pussycat. The following Friday he was washed ashore on Crusoe Island, and taken to hospital to recover. There he saw a young girl in a coma and, captivated by her beauty, he kissed her on the cheek.
She awoke! (She turned out to be a princess; they fell in love and he was whisked off to the nearest palace, to become a charming prince.) Sadly, on his stag night, tragedy struck! As the clock chimed midnight, he was caught breaking into a pumpkin, allegedly to steal some tarts. The Queen, who had earlier baked the tarts, was not amused and had an iron mask placed over his head. He was cast into the dungeons to rot.
However, on appeal, (a pied piper, who was walking his rats, had actually seen the Talewagger put in his thumb and pull out a plum), he was released. As compensation he was created a Duke and put in charge of the Army. Following a successful career, which involved marching his men to the top of the hill, then marching then down again, he left to join the police force. There he solved many famous cases: he caught the notorious Cock-Robin killer: he discovered who-put-pussy-in-the-well and he captured a serial thief: responsible for eating the food and vandalising the home of a family of bears.
With his redundancy money, he bought a farm, the postcode was EI EI0. He then married a girl, who always sat on a tuffet to eat. The marriage broke up due to the scandal caused by one of his cows jumping over the moon. Then the Talewagger’s fork ran away with the spoon and he decided to take early retirement.
He now lives in a forest, with a Granny, renowned for her big eyes, and spends most of his time, in his counting house; counting all his money.
All in all, an anonymous sort of English gentleman!