Ii have come to the conclusion growing old ain’t for sissies. OK, I stole the line from Betty Davis but the older I get the more it proves correct.

I have also been told one does not have to age gracefully because there are medicines that can keep you young. With that in thought I decided to visit my doctor and find out if that last statement was true. First of all I have to state I have no use for pills. For the past 56 years of my life I have done everything in my power to not have to take a pill a day in order to survive.

I understand my battle will probably end soon with some sort of a thyroid, blood pressure, or some part of my body that decides it doesn’t want to continue by itself anymore. This is the reason I decided to go to my doctor to see if he could help. I explained for the past few months my energy has dropped to the point I have a tough time staying up for the evening news at night. I know I was aggravating my wife and the life style I was falling into was not something I was looking forward to.

He told me the best way to find out what was wrong was to have a blood test and then we would go over the results. I agreed and off to the vampire’s den I drove. As much as I hate pills I hate needles more. I have only given blood a few times in my life but every time I enter the hospital I make if clear to everyone involved I hate doing this and would they please send their best vampire in order to extract my blood. For some strange reason this works and the process has always been quite painless.

A couple of days later I returned to my doctor’s office to review my results. He told me my cholesterol was a bit high but my problem of little energy had to do with a very low level of testosterone. He explained a normal level was 240 and I had a level that read 200. The first thing I asked was if this problem would make me grow breasts but my attempt at humor was always lost on my doctor because he is British.

I guess being born in England is synonymous with having an odd sense of humor. He gave me a prescription of the hormone that had the form of a gel. He told me to rub some on my arms and belly every morning after my shower. He then wanted to see me in a month, which meant I would have to revisit the blood room at the hospital. I agreed and followed my doctor’s instructions to the key. Heck, I would look funny with breasts.

The month passed and I found myself sitting on a white table in my doctor’s office once again. The blood work was complete but this time I observed an odd expression on my doctor’s face. I don’t have to explain to anyone that observing an odd expression on a doctor’s face is usually not a good thing. He then asked an odd question. He asked if I was a bit more aggressive over the past few weeks.

As I was about to answer I remembered certain times when I didn’t act like I normally did. For example, when I got up from bed I jumped and screamed like Tarzan hoping to wake up the jungle. Of course, all I did was wake up my wife of which she did not appreciate. I found myself running instead of walking throughout the day. If anyone dared to get in my way they found themselves either on the floor or planted against the wall.

If they asked when did I become rude I told them it was their fault they did not get out of my way! In the past I wore a lot of blacks and grays to school. With my new found energy I changed to bright shades of red and orange. I also found myself grinding my teeth more because it was impossible for me not to have some part of my body moving at all times.

I think I lost many friends during the past few weeks. I no longer have any Republican friends because of political discussions that had me threaten to tear out their tongues if they did not agree with my Democratic concepts. I was actually surprised I still had a job. Administrators and all support help turned around as they saw me sprinting down the hallway looking for someone to decimate. Doors had to be thrown opened and I knew I really didn’t need the stairwell to get to the second floor.

I could easily climb the outside brick wall of the school if I decided to do so. Sitting on the white table looking at my doctor wait for me to answer his question; I stated: “A little”. He then explained my testosterone level rose a bit. He then corrected himself by stating it improved a lot. The level went from 200 to 1260. In other words, he was surprised I had any hair left on my head and why I was not in jail.

I have come to the conclusion growing old ain’t for sissies but, it is a lot better than becoming the new gray Rambo!

The End.
All I wanted was a little more energy.
By J. G. Fabiano.
Jim Fabiano is a teacher and writer living in York, Maine, USA
e-mail him at: james.fabiano60@gmail.com

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